Yesterday was my 20th birthday.  I forgot to mention it.  Times are just so depressing right now that I guess I forgot to post about it.  I’ll survive, hopefully.

It was a great day, Max and I met Paul and Sandy for dinner at a great little place in Park Slope called Magnolia.  I had been planning on having a party but only 2 people I invited RSVP’d a yes.  Such is my life eh?  We had a great dinner then came home for a little time to digest before heading up to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - which was excellent.  It was long, but it was great.

All in all, not bad.  Paul and Sandy got me a great book, and Max got me aGlen Hansard CD (he was in Once), and the (don’t laugh!) Pokeman Pearl DS game…which has happily brought me back to my childhood of playing my old gameboy.

Marie

While most of these are already on my FetLife account, I realize not everyone may have an account there, or want one.  So I am posting a few of my favorites for you all to view.  When you’re done jacking off, if you could comment, that’d be grand.

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Flogger anyone?

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Streamlined

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My hand isn’t even big enough for all my boob…

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Party Dress, Party Panties!

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I never realized quite how big my head was….

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I’ll save the rest for another post…maybe I’ll actually have some visiters if I start posting pictures again.

Marie

I didn’t realize it had been so long since I’d last posted.

I’ve had a fun, spank filled week if you can believe it.  A friend from LA was visiting her mom in NYC and lives not far from me.  She came over last week and Max spanked us both, and it was wonderful.  We took turns and there were lots of toys.  Although, he did make us stand in the corner as well!

Then on New Years, she came back over and spent the night.  We headed back to her house on New Years Eve, played some Wii, and then came back to mine (Mario Kart in hand!) and had a nice night.  After dinner, we watched some TV, she (being the sweetie she is) helped me clean my kitchen, then we played some Mario Kart, the three of us with Max.  After, he took us back to the guestroom and spanked us into oblivian.  I don’t really have any pictures, but I haven’t been that red in ages!  Then a bit later, she ASKED (yes ASKED) for 30 from the hairbrush.

Being the kindly friend that I am, I went and fetched our Shadow Lane hairbrush and she was bruised from that 30!  But she got 15 extra for cussing in the middle of it.  Max’s one big rule is no cussing during a spanking!

Then on New Years day we made the trek uptown to friends of Max’s family for a New Years Day party.

:)
I have some cute pics from when my friend and I got spanked the first time so I will post them soon!

Marie

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! HotDamn!  It snuck up on me.  I started, and almost finished, my Christmas shopping today.  Wowza.  I have a bunch to finish tomorrow, but I am in no rush.  I am enjoying picking out nice things.  Then all I gotta get tomorrow is the wrapping paper, tape, ribbon, and bows!  And I actually wrote up nice Christmas cards that I probably ought to mail tomorrow…better late than never eh?  Not so bad.

Oh, uh Fetlife, right.  Have you heard of it? Well, if not, now is an amazing time to join….I won’t tell you why but it being amazing and all would be one reason…Ok, I’ll tell you - they’re giving away this *amazing* Kinky Christmas Stocking full of amazing shit!!! Well, they’re giving away 5 of them!

Anyway, I’ll blog again tomorrow…night!

Marie

Recently I read a post made by my myspace friend, R_D in his blog about implements.  I liked it, so I am making my own.  He wrote about his favorites, and why he likes them, etc.  Here are mine!

Leather Strap: I have two that I love love love!  One of them is the 17×1.2 inch Spanking Strop from the London Tanners.  We have it in very dark leather…well, Max has had it since before we started dating, but I still love it a LOT.  The other is a reddish leather strap with a wooden handle.  It’s made by a guy who goes by Wood Paddles and can often be found spanking Amber on Amateur Spankings.  I like these because they are heavier and used right, pack an amazing thud! It’s well made and definitely in my top three toys!  These straps can, and are often, used for both play and punishment.  Depending on how they are used, they can make me squirm delightfully, or sob fiercely.

Leather Paddle: I’ve not found one that I really love, in a long time, but I like a nice solid, leather paddle, without a wooden piece down the center.  They are difficult to find and I haven’t as of yet, but I have felt one. The thud they pack from being such stiff solid leather is exquisite.  These are pure play.  I wouldn’t ever want a leather paddle to be used for punishment - they are far too fun for that! (Especially the ones with fur!)

Paddle: I hate anything with holes (ie. hard limit), but positively love heavy wood paddles.  Kitty makes really beautiful ones and this is all on top of them being the best wood you can get.  My favorite of hers is the FlapJack design, and I have it in a beautiful dark piece of cocobola wood that makes it dense and heavy.  Again, out of this world thud, little sting, and it’s simply the best! I like round paddles better than square ones and only own a few.  I don’t like sting so cheap, lighter wood ones just don’t do it for me!

Belt: The belt is something for me that is almost completely pure punishment. It doesn’t always make me cry, but the headspace related is submissive (which I generally am not) and subdued.  It’s an unusual, not unpleasant but not overjoyed, headspace for me.  It doesn’t hurt as much as a paddle or heavier leather strap usually, it’s more symbolic.

Cane: I have a love hate relationship with the cane.  I love it, and yet it’s my second most feared implement (see belt above).  The ‘aftershock’ can be both well, shocking, and pleasurable, to feel that wave after the cane has been lifted off your bottom, and yet you’re still feeling it.  I don’t know what kinds of canes I prefer, but our two are from Rosy Bottoms, one is thicker, and the other very thin.

Marie

People sometimes judge my fantasies. Daddy/daughter…rape fantasies…not playing with women.

And it angers me. Who are they, into BDSM and other fetishes, to judge MY fetish?

They’re human.

Because the guy who likes to stick needles in his penis and balls, the woman who enjoys being called a slut, I judge them too.

Human nature. It is what drives us best, and hinders us most. As humans, we want things to be more, better, faster, bigger, greater. But we want it our individual ways.

NOT judging is sometimes more difficult than most of us would like to admit. We all say “Your kink is not my kink but that’s ok” but really, we’re sitting here going “What a fuckin’ nut!” deep inside.

And THAT is ok. At least to me it is. I do my best to be a good person, and not judge people in the sense that I say things to them, or condemn them, or tell them their crazy. I keep my heart and mind open to all, in the hopes of overcoming human nature and truly accepting the things I judge.

It can be hard not to judge, but like a lot of things, we have to remind ourselves constantly, how it feels when we are judged. Only that will keep our words, if our minds can’t be, kind.

- Marie

Disclaimer: A lot of my first explorations were done before I reached 18 years of age, which in the United States is the legal age of majority. If you have any sort of problem with this, I suggest you stay away from this section, and keep your eyes out for the next part. That being said, comments/criticisms about my morals or intelligence, about my choices as a teen, are not welcome!

At the ripe old age of six - maybe earlier, but 6 is when I remember - I stuck my little hand between my legs to feel what was down there. It was wet, soft, warm, and when I pulled my hand out, there was stuff on them. I got up to wash my hands, certain that someone would be able to see or smell them! I had been laying in bed in my nightgown.

I did that a lot. Without knowing it, I was an insomniac and it took me hours to fall asleep at night. My mom put us to bed at 8pm every night except for Friday, and I almost always didn’t fall asleep until 11.

I would spend those hours daydreaming, and thinking. The majority of this was spent feeling my body, what I had, etc. I remember once touching a particularly sensitive spot between my legs that caused me to jump and nearly start crying. It hurt and was almost stingy.

I would later find out it was my clit. I am not sure if young girls are normally extremely sensitive down there, but I couldn’t get very close to it ever, so I stuck to simply touching.

I didn’t go further than that until the age of 17 when I faced my fear of my clit and had my first orgasm.

Disclaimer: A lot of my first explorations were done before I reached 18 years of age, which in the United States is the legal age of majority. If you have any sort of problem with this, I suggest you stay away from this section, and keep your eyes out for the next part. That being said, comments/criticisms about my morals or intelligence, about my choices as a teen, are not welcome!

I received my first “adult” spanking, that is - not as a child being punished by a parent - at the age of 16. I had been trying to ages to get my boyfriend of four months, Jake, to spank me when I was 15, but it was simply too awkward and basically not worth it. I had been talking to someone online and he lived in England. His accent drove me wild. He was 21.

We talked a lot, day and night, whenever we were online at the same time, as the time difference got in the way a lot. A few weeks after talking, A made plans to visit the states for two weeks in July. He’d never been here and was equally as excited as I was.

July came and he arrived, and stayed at a campground nearby my house. The first spanking was scary, and intense, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Hand and hairbrush left their mark and my bikini didn’t cover it nearly well enough. I had to tell my mom I fell on the gravel at the campground, which she absolutely believed!

I got many more spankings over those two weeks, including with a belt, and a flip flop, on a beach, and in my bedroom! I liked A a lot, and we had fun, but by the end of the trip, I realized it would really never work. A close friend of my moms (now an even closer friend of mine) drove him to the airport and I went with them. I cried the entire time.

Over time we lost touch and stopped talking, and only now catch each other once in a while. We’ve talked about those two weeks before, and I know he enjoyed it just as much as I did. It’s a “first” that I’ll never forget.

That was the first and last spanking I got until I was 17. Standby, I may post it later today, or tomorrow, depends on my mood!

I’ve been having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year, whereas I normally get very excited in early December.  My computer basically failing (on top of the buggered screen), bills piling up, the job hunt shot to hell…it was tough.

This weekend lifted my spirits a lot, and I’ve now decided I am going to enjoy Christmas.  My mom brought me a tree.  It was prewrapped so she didn’t see it before, so she got it ($20 bucks!) and drove it into the city to my house.  We ran all over our local little shopping center from Target, to Marshall’s, to Pathmark…and we couldn’t find a tree stand! We finally bought one from a tree seller nearby.

Back home, we propped the tree up, got the screws in and cut the plastic net off…it was huge.

It spills into our corner and stands just under 6 feet!!!  We put on the lights - blue, as that’s what I grew up with and love, and a beautiful white tin angel my mom found at the thrift store for a dollar!  She brought all my my ornaments that I made, and we picked up some other pretty ones as well.

We also got some garland for the banister’s outside, and put up some ribbons on our windows and door.

All I have left to do is relax, pop some popcorn and string up my cranberry/popcorn strings, and decorate the tree.

Perhaps I’ll watch a movie, and simply…relax.

It feels good to have some minor things off my shoulders so I can look at the bigger picture.

Did I mention my uncle bought me a new computer for my birthday/christmas?  Now I don’t have to worry about the battery, the screen, the slowness…wooohooo!  I will post pictures of my tree later.

-Marie

Tonight was the monthly OTK at Paddles.  It was hoppin! It was the biggest I’ve seen since I started coming, although Michael says they used to all be like this….I wish!  They had cookies and other snacks - woohoo!  A lot of the people who made the party last night came to the club and that was neat.

My last post talked about the local scene - including a comment about Paddles that I can definitely see as having been negative.  The way I worded it, sounded as if I was grouping everything together into one big bad, unwelcoming category.  Paddles really, honestly, genuinely is the friendly S&M club.  It can’t be described better.  I truly feel like Michael, Laura, Eric, and DLB are an extension of my family, and feel as thought something has been added to my life because of them.  My point was, this is NY - you’d think we’d have more.  And we used to - there were two other clubs I’ve heard of, The Vault and Hellfire, but I feel as though everyone but Michael has give up on the NY scene.  Or maybe it’s human nature rearing it’s ugly head - we always want more, and better, and bigger.  But I suppose I just want the NY scene to be something that I want to be a part of.  I want there to be more people I enjoy playing with, etc.  I don’t want all my favorite play partners to live a 5 hour flight away.

That’s why I was so excited for Jules’ (and the other organizers) party, and the turn out they had.  It was awesome, and fun.  I wish the Paddles OTK night could happen more often, but I feel as though the crowds have been so thin lately, that they’d just be even thinner, and yet at the same time, I want to get together with my spanky friends often.  I want munches, I want to have people over to play scrabble, etc.

It’s a lot to think about! I have a lot on my mind, so check my other blog for more contemplative entries :)  For now, an artistic nude I took the other day….

-Marie